"It is believed older people don't have sex, or they are disinterested, or too disabled. That isn't true at all. Good sex is part of good health, no matter how old you are," says Wendy Schain, a semi-retired sex therapist in Silver Springs, Maryland.
Schain and others are part of a growing group of voices talking to seniors about maintaining some type of intimacy with age-and that means even into one's 80s and beyond. Among the latest advice:
- Look for ways to relieve physical barriers to traditional intercourse. A man may need help due to erectile dysfunction. A woman may need ways to make vaginal intercourse less painful, like lubricants. Maybe you need to make accommodations for aching joints with pillows or new ( and possibly more interesting) sexual positions.
- Check your medications. Certain antihistamines (even over-the-counter) and antidepressants can cause impotence in men. So can almost all the drugs for fighting high blood pressure. Or a medicine might be diminishing your libido. Don't forget that can include "natural" substances. If you're having problems with sexual response, bring all your supplements to the doctor and ask him if anything is likely to be the cause.
- Seek a specialist. Your primary care doctor may not have the answers. Depending on the problem, an urologist, a gynecologist, or a psychologist might be of help.
- Broaden your definition of "good" sex. If penile penetration isn't feasible, consider oral sex, or simply kissing and touching. That's still intimacy.
- Consider consulting a sex therapist. Do you find you now have very different expectations of sex? Maybe one of you thought the retirement stage would be a great time to explore sexuality-but that wasn't on the mind of your partner. An objective ear can help you find compromises.
- See if your family is creating barriers. Many husbands look forward to retirement and/or the day the kids leave home so he and wifey can have more playtime. Then she devotes tons of time to the grandkids! If one of you wants more time, including intimate time, from the other now is when you should talk about it.
- Be prepared for difficult decisions. What happens if your partner becomes severely disabled, either physically or mentally? Do you start dating again? Do the dates only involve simple companionship? What if your new partner wants to explore a more sexual relationship? You don't have to decide this by yourself. Talk to your religious advisor, your doctor, or a social worker who specializes in such scenarios.
Undoubtedly by now you can see that maintaining intimacy and/or sexual activity with age is not only possible, it can offer new opportunities and challenges.
Wendy J Meyeroff - Hi! I've been a health writer since 1987 and much of my time has been writing on issues that affect older Americans/seniors/boomers. ...
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